I AM NANA
Growing up, I lived what seemed to be a 'normal' life to everyone that knew me, even my family. Little did they know that this 'normal' girl was dealing with inner torment as a result of years of abuse. Being subjected to such experiences on numerous occasions, I felt as though it was my fault. Maybe it was the way I acted, the things I said or the way I looked.
As I grew older, it got worse and it went as far as me thinking that I was being punished by God for something I had done in a 'previous life'. As far fetched as it seemed, there seemed to be no other explanation for the pain I felt. I wanted to tell someone what I was going through, but I would hear the words; "No one will believe you nor believe in you?
Over and over I would hear the words LIAR! DELUSIONAL! TROUBLE"
Those words rang so true in my ears. In that moment I knew I couldn't tell anyone. Things got from bad to worse. To the world I kept to the pretence but on the inside, I was slowly dying.
Living what seemed to be a normal life. Only me knowing what was truly happening. Inside, I'd be screaming and shouting, begging for it all to stop, however no sound would come out of my mouth.
At school, I was fine, to my family I was fine, behind closed doors... I was dead inside. A pain greater than anyone could ever imagine. I couldn't take it any more. What more could be done. I was ready to end it all. No one knew. Despite all that happened, I was able to 'move on' and forgive every individual that took part in causing what was at one point such pain in my life. However, I began to let these experiences define my life. I hid behind pain and abusive relationships. I no longer cared about what happened to me. To me, there was nothing that could be done to hurt me more than I had already been. It wasn't until my late teens that I realized that there was something seriously wrong. That this wasn't meant to happen to someone so young. That the life I was living didn't take away the pain I had been through. I started to see that God was not punishing me. That he loved me and I had been looking for love and comfort in all the There came a time where I began to have recurring nightmares of my past. I would close my eyes and be there all over again and I found it difficult to sleep for days.
After confiding in a friend, they encouraged me to read Psalm 23 and then try to sleep again. I did so, and since that day I never looked back. God was ready for me! His arms stretched out. I was just yet to see. I look back and realize the numerous times God cried out for me. The amount of times he saved me from dire situations. I just couldn't hear Him or see what he was doing because I was not seeking him. He was ready to end all the pain and hurt. To keep me safe. However, I had conformed to the only thing I knew, the evil ways of this world. There was no one to show me the light,
No one to tell me it was okay. That there was a better tomorrow. No one I thought I could relate to. No one to show me real love. No one but God. It doesn't matter what my past said about me, what yesterday said about me, or what today says about me. What matters is when God has called you to a life of greatness... No past, nothing you've ever done can take that away from you. Today, I am liberated and I stand strong! A young lady destined for greatness. An aspiring Barrister and the founder of Project TenTen, an organisation that seeks to empower young men and women and educate them on their inner beauty and worth. The pain I went through was preparation for my destiny. The Bible says, "all things are working together for your good". They really are. Because if it wasn't for these things. If it wasn't for my past I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have such a passion to make a difference in this world and to bring love and hope to those who need it most!