The Carbon-Copy

It was to be expected, a sudden rush of feelings emerged. The main one that stood out was rejection. I was rejected. By him an important figure in my life. I could never understand it; the truth was so visible. I couldn’t help but fight back the brewing tears in my eyes. Especially as we looked at each other, an eye for an eye. I could see him, and he could see me, I did not expect him here we were in the same proximity. How do you tell someone you’ve barely known that you needed them? As a matter of fact, their absence is a constant reminder in your life and not only did you need them you still need them? It’s a confusing tale to tell. This week alone had been unbearable, early shifts which would lead well into the night. Only for me to be up early once again because I needed to purchase food shopping. Once I purchased the shopping I needed to run back home and prepare a meal. I already felt like my whole world was caving in on me, I didn’t think I’d ever feel so weak at the tender age of 23. It was unreal. I was born out of my own will can you fathom that? I didn’t know how I was coping the week felt like it wouldn’t end. Every day had become so repetitive I can’t even remember when I last met up with my friends. Life is a little bit different when you’ve had to grow up before your time. I became an adult at such a young age, you’d think I’d have adapted to this. Adapted to adulthood, a very difficult concept to grasp, when you can remember secondary school like it was yesterday laughing and joking around in class. I’d gone off on a tangent as per. My coping mechanism. It was to be expected that I felt rejected by the man that should have loved me that should have respected me, that most importantly should have wanted me. The silence between two people symbolised two strangers who could possibly never share the same fate. I did the same thing, history unfortunately repeats itself but there’s a slight difference. I want and will always want my child. I assume I’ll never receive an explanation from him.  An unpleasant taste fills the corners of my mouth when I think about this topic or even attempt to discuss it. If I was at home and not in public I’d probably vomit. The feeling was so distasteful it could make any one sick to their stomach. How can one have nothing in common with someone but still have a few things in common with them? So many questions ran through my head as I tried each time to digest something I longed my heart would forget. The bitter truth is that it will always hurt me, knowing I’ll never hear his side of the story.  But I do know that I have hope and glory because humans may fail me my watch may come to a halt, but my God will always be present, and he continues to make his presence known through his love letters.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

By Chantelle

Jasmine N Cannon-Ikurusi