Let me start by saying,
Happy New Year!
I do not know where to even start, it has been nearly two months since when we last spoke. So much has happened, I am struggling to stop my hands from shaking as I quickly scribble down my thoughts. When I tell you that me standing here today is a testimony. I thought that all hope was lost. I thought that I would never make it through, but here I am standing to tell you to keep breathing.
How can I be trying to change the world, and help built a better tomorrow, but the very thing I tried to help tried to break me down. I worked so much that I never thought that I would see today. My health was deteriorating. My mind was dissolving. My essence to breathe was an unknown phenomena. How can loving something become so toxic? How can we help others and drown in our own vomit? I tried with all my ability to build, but all I ended up with was strife and setbacks. I felt so alone and cold as I tried to build a foundation on shaky grounds. The more I tried to build, the more the storms came and tried to tear me down.
I nearly threw in the towel. There was moments when the smell of the streets was all I longed for. In the pools of fire I missed their voices. In the pools of blood I missed her brokenness. In the pools of poison I missed her embrace. I nearly gave in. The compulsion of my former years beckoned me to give up on hope. The bitter sweet tears of the olds nearly captured my dreams. I could not see through the maze. I could not see who I was meant to be. The very fragments of my souls deserted me and tossed me to the roaring lions. My heart tried to beat the tides of the oceans. My legs tried to climb the toughest mountains but I was lost. I could not see a way out nor hear the voice of hope.
Deeper into the blues I went. Deeper into the forests of desperation I lay. All that I ever knew would only become a distant memory. I was tired of strife. I was tired of fighting. I was tired of dreaming. I was tired of standing alone when he told me “Just Breathe”.
I called you for a time such as this. I have called you into purpose. I was the one that gave you this vision. Let me lead you and carry the burden. Let me be your pillar. Just Breathe.
You are not alone. Even though they leave you, you will keep standing. Even if all seems hopeless, I am still hope. I am still here. Even when the tides try and break you down, I will still build you up.
I do not know what you might be going through.
I know that the pain does not last forever.
I know that you will make it through.
You are strong.
You are powerful beyond measure.
“2019 is our year of breaking forth to the impossible”